Apple's Broken Parental Controls

12 Nov, 2017

What's a nice way to give a kid a limited amount of spending freedom, and letting them buy some things without being able to decimate your credit card? iTunes Voucher -- seems reasonable right?

So... redeeming voucher... Enter Apple ID password. Okay. Use camera to enter code. That's helpful. Please enter your credit card security code. Wait, what? Sigh. Fine.

Hand iPad back to kid. "Right, you can buy something now."

"How about this one?"

"Nooo that's too expensive. Find another one."

"What about this?"

"Yes okay, that works. You can click this Buy button here."

"Pa??" iPad thrust back into your hands.

Enter Apple ID password

Sigh. Okay. Why the heck did I bother to add a nice long, secure password for his account?

Ask for your parent's approval. Click Ask... time passes... Nothing happened. Huh? Click Buy again.

Enter Apple ID password.

WTH? Just did that! For. The. Same. Game.

Ask for your parent's approval (they can also authorise on this device). Yes, but that defeats the purpose. The whole point was to let the kid buy a few things himself. Click Ask.

A message arrives on my phone: Your iDevice-obsessed post-toddler wants to purchase lego-something-or-other-game. Are you sure he's not already spending too much time on devices already? Woohoo, finally got the request! Unlock phone. Wait, WTH! Where's the authorisation dialog gone? Settings > Parental controls? Nope nothing there. Search > Parental Controls. Nothing there either. Sigh. Back to the kid's device again. Click Buy... again.

Enter Apple ID password

Whatever. Stupid long passwords.

Ask for your parent's approval. Stab Ask. Kid now looking at you strangely because you're starting to mutter rude words under your breath.

A message arrives on my phone: Your iDevice-obsessed post-toddler wants to purchase lego-something-or-other-game. Yes I know. It's me not the kid -- how's a child supposed to figure this out? Touch the dialog correctly this time.

A message arrives on the kid's iPad: The bossy parental unit has authorised your purchase. Excellent. Hand back device to kid.

"Pa??" iPad thrust back into my hands.

What's the problem now? Oh, the buy button has turned into a get link. Only it doesn't look like a link at all. It's just the text GET. WTH? Where are the UI standards? Isn't this supposed to be a button??

Your purchase is downloading. Finally. Mutter mutter Apple mutter.

...5 mins passes...

"Pa?? I'm bored with this game. Can I try this one?"

"Fine, okay". Click Buy.

Enter Apple ID password

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Angry, from Disney's Inside Out